It may help a great deal to ask your troubled teenager about many of the things that may be going through your head. There really is no other way of knowing, unless you ask.

1.    “Even if we fight or quarrel, what do you think keeps are relationship going?
This is a good question to ask since it zeroes in on the positive qualities of your parent- child relationship. It might even serve as a springboard for a sharing session between you and your troubled teen since it is a contrast to the common negativity you may share with one another during everyday conflicts. If your child responds vaguely, then gently prod him on by asking him to explain his answers.

2.   “We’ve talked about what I am asking from you as my son/daughter? But what about what you want from me as your parent?”
Your teenager may be confused as to what you may mean by ‘what you want’ but you may give him examples to get him started. If he can’t think of anything to say, you can ask him to just try and mention things off the top of his head. If he still remains silent, you yourself can try mentioning things and checking out your teen’s reactions. From here, he may help you get on the right track.

3.  “What actions of mine have bothered you the most and seemed unhelpful to you? I wouldn’t like to discourage you further in the future.”
Be prepared to get some hurtful replies to these questions, but try and keep in mind that you shouldn’t take answers too personally. Hear your teenager out even before you start defending your actions. When your teenager questions some of your actions, don’t try to quickly retort, blocking their comments. You want to get to the bottom of their feelings and reactions, so you must ease them on further in order to find out what they really think. You’re after specific information and elucidation here, so let him open up to you. Again, if he remains silent, try mentioning things and check out his reactions. From here, he may help you get on the right track.

4.  “If there was a way that I could significantly help you with a particular issue you’re dealing with, how would you react to this? How exactly could I help?”
or
“If your particular issue could be resolved in an instant, how would we notice the change? What would you have to do? Who else would take notice?”

It’s important to remain patient in order to give your child the chance to open up. The whole point of asking these questions is to figure out exactly what’s been going on in your teenager’s head. Also, you want your teen to be specific, if he isn’t, help him on by asking the right follow-up questions. With eyes set on the future instead