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Karyn Gordon is a parent and teen coach who has become an authority on the period of adolescence. She has a private counseling practice in Toronto and also contributes to Slice Network’s The Mom Show. Not only does she give advice on Generation Y issues but she is also the author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide to the Teen Years”.
Gordon’s recommended style of parenting is being an “Inside-Out” parent. She describes this as “A parent who focuses on whom the child is becoming and less on what he's achieving. More on the effort not the mark. It's also about parents looking inward. What do I need to do differently? How am I contributing to the problem?”
For example, when dealing with a teen issue like sexual promiscuity, Gordon would recommend approaching the issue with a one-on-one talk.
“You choose the right time, when everyone is relaxed. You raise it, not in terms of judging, but trying to get to the root of it, maybe it's pressure or low self-esteem. You might ask, "Can you help me understand?" Then you voice where you're coming from: These are my values and why I've chosen them. But the No. 1 tip is listen first.”
 Karyn Gordon The “Overfunctioner” is the parenting style which Gordon sees as the most common among parents. It is when the parent takes care of everything from waking the teen up in the morning to reminding him of his school requirements at night. “It creates enormous conflict and a dependent teen who is not learning responsibility. It also creates an attitude of entitlement. It's your fault I'm late, you didn't drive me So how can a parent try to reform his parenting style? Gordon answers, “Understand why you were overfunctioning. A lot of times it's fear of letting the kid fail or of creating conflict. Or it's out of guilt. Then choose to function in a more healthy way. Make a list of all the things you do that should be the teen's responsibility. Then pass off a couple to the teen. Not too much change too fast. Start small and work up to the more difficult.” |
