Parenthood is definitely one of the most rewarding times in a person’s life. However, it isn’t all fun and sunshine. Being a parent does have rocky patches along the way. Teenagers prove to be difficult at times because they want to have more independence than most parents are content with. For the most part these trials and tribulations will pass on their own.
Sometimes they don’t though and parents find themselves continually dealing with a troubled and defiant teenager. While most parents don’t want to have a negative relationship with their child, intervening is very important. Allowing the behaviors to continue tells your teenager than it is being accepted. If they are acting out for attention or to hide another issue then the behaviors will likely continue to esculate.
It is important to be consistent with children of all ages, but especially with teenagers. They need to know what the limits are as well as the rules. Teenagers need to know what you expect from them and the consequences for back choices relating to their behaviors. Teenagers want to be treated like an adult so let them. This means being able to sit down with you and have an adult conversation. Make sure they feel like you are both on even terms and they can speak freely in the conversation as long as they do so respectfully.
Try to remember what being a teenager is like though and have some patience with your teenager. If they aren’t ready to talk with you right now make sure they know the invitation is always open. Most teenagers don’t want to think about the fact that their parents have gone through similar experiences in their life as well. Be understanding of what they are facing. Remember that while it may not be such a big deal to you, it often is for them. At least for this week!
It is important to keep a watchful eye on your teenagers behaviors though. If they are engaged in dangerous behaviors then you definitely want to intervene. There are plenty of good resources out there to help you decipher the signs of serious problems versus common teenage behaviors.
Of course this doesn’t mean your teenager gets a free pass for being difficult or defiant. You will need to have some consequences that fit the situation. At that age restricting them from attending activities or hanging out with friends generally does the trick rather quickly.
Even the most troubled and defiant teenagers really do want to have guidance from their parents. They may not show it, but they appreciate it when you are consistent with the rules and consequences in the home. If you aren’t able to reach your teenager on your own then you might consider seeking the assistance of a school counselor. Family counseling with a private counselor can help as well, especially if communication is not going well in the family.
Teenagers who display behaviors that are out of control definitely need immediate intervention. Don’t fool yourself into thinking the problem will get better on its own. If your teenager is engaging in behaviors that are dangerous to them or to others around them seek immediate assistance. It may be the best thing you ever do for your teenager in the long run.
Some good options in addition to counseling is to talk with your school principle, social services, the local police department, or other teen programs. Many communities offer programs designed speficially for teenagers who have alcohol or substance abuse problems, trouble controlling their anger, or a criminal history.
