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mcaloonj
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15 yr old son - 2008/06/19 10:25 Hi everyone,

I found this forum as I was trying to search for advice on how to handle my 15yr old son.

He has always had a quick temper but for the most part a really good kid, does well in school, is well liked, helpful to others, But starting the week school was letting out for the summer he changed into someone that I don't even know.
He started picking fights with his Dad, talking back and name calling. When his Dad would yell back at him he would threaten to leave. Finally he did. He left for two days, came back for a day, left for another day, came back and then left for a week. I know that he is with his friends and he has come back demanding to change his clothes, brush his teeth ect (because he didn't leave with any belongings)
This past Sat he was attacked by a dog and received 16 puncture wounds. My husband and I went to the ER with him and begged him to come home and he refused.
On Father's day he told us that all of this was over and that he had learned his lesson, but then he didn't spend more then an hour at home. He has been gone since with occasional phone calls to ask me what is for dinner.
I don't know what to do, I tell him to come home and he refuses, and when he does come home he tries to pick fights so that he can leave again. I don't know how to get him to listen. I have brought up therapy and have talked to a child psycologist, but he refuses to even discuss it and I don't know how to make him. I have three other kids in the house 12, 7 and 8 months and they are having a hard time with all of the drama. My oldest son is 19 and in the Army stationed in South Korea and he is coming home on leave in August because he is worried about what is going on at home.
Sorry this is so long, but I am totally lost and could use some good advice.

Thanks in advance.
mcaloonj
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tti_admin
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Re:15 yr old son - 2008/06/19 21:22 The return of your eldest son from being stationed in South Korea may prove to be more beneficial to his younger brother than you think, at the age of 19 your eldest son’s teenage times are fresh. Compared to his dad, he can use this to his advantage and try and talk to your 15yr old son in a manner which he will most likely respond to. It may be easier for his elder brother to get to him because he can probably understand the pressure from his peers more easily as well. When he talks to him, he doesn’t have to use the “talking down to him” style which a parent may tend to use. He can talk to him straight on as a young adult and make sure that it is clear to him that he can relate to his issues. This way your 15yr old will feel that he’s got support from a bro and not another person who may be pressing on about his defiance. Once your eldest son has felt that he has gained his brother’s trust, he can use this forming bond to keep him from fleeing.

Post edited by: tti_admin, at: 2008/06/19 21:23
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mcaloonj
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Re:15 yr old son - 2008/06/20 00:14 Thank you for your response.
The only problem with his older brother is that he thinks exactly like his father.
He thinks that the 15yo should just shut his mouth and do what he is told. He is very military now and thinks that his brother is just acting like a brat who needs to have his butt kicked.
I'm just afraid that it will do more harm then good.
They have never really gotten along to begin with.

Is there anything thing that I can do to keep him from leaving the house? I feel so helpless when he leaves and is gone for days. At 15 I fear for his saftey.

Thank you
mcaloonj
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Re:15 yr old son - 2008/06/20 08:23 Is there any way that you could find out where exactly he goes when he runs away from home, where he sleeps? You mentioned that you know he's with his friends Are parents of a friend allowing him to stay in their house under the circumstances? If so, it seems quite evident that your son may not be telling them the truth about his stay. He may be lying about the situation in your home in order for his friend’s parents not to question him and be thoroughly concerned with contacting you. Contact the parents in order to communicate with them directly about the situation. This will clear things up and you’ll have your son home where he should be.
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mcaloonj
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Re:15 yr old son - 2008/06/20 09:22 I have talked to the mother of one of the boys and the Aunt of another. They really don't know what to say because the boys in their family exibit the same behavior. The Mother of the one boy just lets him go and doesn't seem to be too concerned about him. It seems that everyone that I've talked to acts like this is just a normal situation or a phase that they are going through.

Am I just old fashioned and missing something?

Thank You
mcaloonj
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