Re:Rape victim - Help for Troubled Teenagers Forum

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Deidre
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Rape victim - 2006/08/24 23:47 My daughter was raped in 9th grade but she only revealed this to us when she reached 11th grade. We noticed a big change in her character between these years as she morphed into a girl with manic-depressive mood swings. She was once described as a quiet onlooker in school by counselors, but since then she became more aggressive in class as well as defiant at home. It seems as if she’s gone wild, she is even sneaking around engaging in casual sex. I’m confused, I would think that rape would cause her to get as far away as possible from harmful sexual situations. It appears as if she’s practically flinging herself at these people. I can’t understand her behavior.

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Re:Rape victim - 2006/08/24 23:49 In cases of rape victims, what not a lot of people may know is that the victim’s response/reaction to the rape can actually go in two quite extreme directions. It has been observed that some victims may become extremely introverted, they become withdrawn and reclusive. These victims may not even want to go out of the house if they can help it. But the other direction is when quite ironically, victims become overtly sexual. Instead of fearing sex because of the rape, they may actually seek sexual experiences with others. In these cases, victims often describe themselves as “ruined” and by simply letting themselves engage in dangerous sexual activity (like unprotected sex or sex with strangers) they are simply reaffirming these negative beliefs.

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Andrea
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Re:Rape victim - 2006/09/01 02:02 I’m a parent with a kid myself, but I’m the one who experienced being raped years ago. And I think you should empathize a bit more with your teenager. Rape is a terrifying experience to go through and may bring about a diverse set of reactions in a person. I believe that talk is definitely the answer. Talking and sharing your feelings with another is therapeutic. Talk to your teen and let her unload the heaviness she may be dragging along with her to this day. Help her re-establish her belief in herself. Looking down on the manner in which she may be dealing with the rape may just bury her even deeper beneath the negativity of it all. Be a light during her time of darkness. Don’t be judgmental.

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Baruch
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Re:Rape victim - 2007/02/19 23:49 my niece (of whom i am guardian) is sixteen, and when she was younger she was sexually abused by a stranger (i wasn't her carer at this time, her mother, who passed away five years ago, was) and assualted by an older boy when she was fourteen. from these experiences she began to struggle with anorexia and also OCD.
she was coming through these experiences, when a few months ago she was raped (and it sickens me to say this even now) by her father (my brother, who was absent through her childhood) and several others. They are now awaiting trial, but my niece is finding this impossible to cope with but is resisting seeing a counsellor. I'm also finding what my brother did very difficult, as is my elderly mother who also lives with me. I feel worried about what kind of life my niece will lead in the long term if she doesn't deal with this, and as a guardian i also feel guilty for not protecting her better. any advice on our situation?

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Re:Rape victim - 2007/02/26 19:05 More than anything, what your niece needs now is assurance. It is hard for her to trust anyone because of her recent traumatic experiences. You and other relatives on her father’s side of whom she is presently staying with should put genuine efforts into making her feel that she can trust again. It will be difficult because in this case the rapist is someone very near (her own father) which means she may come to question her own relatives. You can’t blame her for these fears or apprehensions. If she is now truly safe within the household, you must show her that she is in order to slowly build the trust again. Utmost assurance is needed on your part. After she regains stability, try recommending counseling again.

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