kcmom
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Years of defiance, anger and F's - 2007/04/17 13:35
This is the first time Ive tried a parenting forum, but I am at a loss of what to do now.
I have a 16 year old son who in 5th grade was diagnosed with ADHD and all the problems that intails. ie; defying authority, impulsiveness, inablility to concentrate (on anything other than video games), lying, stealing things (toys then - money now), the list goes on and on.
He has been on several medications which did seem to help for a little while. He refused to take them (they make me feel weird) plus the fact his father didnt believe in meds. "I was just like that and I worked it out and Im okay" I digress.
So now I have a larger version of the previous mentioned child. The problems now are failing high school grades, defiance of teachers and parents, marijuana use, falling in with a bad peer group, sneaking out at night (week days too), more aggressive anger(no violence with people or animals), not following any rules or doing anything around the house. At the beginning of the school year we told him if he could keep his GPA at C's and above he could get his drivers license. No such luck. Instead I have the principle calling me weekly to put him in ISS(in school suspension) for such things as leaving the campus to smoke, finding tobacco on him, being snotty to teachers, the list goes on.
The other night when I was at work (Im a nurse and work 3 days a week 6pm to 6am) he snuck out when he was supposed to be grounded and his dad discovered it. When he came home there was a big blow up and he ran away. Not before packing 2 bags, one with an x-box in it (thats useful). This was Easter day. I came home to discover, as my husband calls it, that we are now "empty nesters". By the way we have 2 other college aged kids without any of this behavior.
Over that week he never called. We knew he was in school some days because they would call to see if, when he left after lunch, was an excused absense. I told them he had run away and no it wasnt excused. On the next friday I asked his brother to try and call some of his friends to see where he was. He posted a note to him on the facebook page and he called.
He has been staying with one of his new bad peer group friends. He says that this kids mother likes him and that he just couldnt handle the "dynamics" at home. When I asked him what that meant he said "all the anger" and I said "you mean yours?" He was not apologetic and seemed to be distracted just to talk with me. I was happy to find out he was okay and not in some ditch somewhere. He has not come home. I did start a dialogue with him on facebook today. Told him we miss and love him and to stay in school. He skipped today.
My delima along with all this is what do I do now? Wait and see, like my husband says we should or call this "mom". Who never called us to tell us our son was there and is obviously not watching him since he's not attending high school.
I had been looking at alternative schools in the area, 1, and had an appointment with my son and I for eval. I told him I was taking him out of the public school (before he left) to try this or he is going to fail high school. It is $495.00 per month. The behaviour wilderness camps, boot camps, help for troubled teens alternative schools are outragously obscenely expensive. Upwards of 30,000.00 for 3 months. That is more than my car cost with no guarentee it will even straighten him out. Trying to get him to go to a counselor let alone a school takes a mac truck and a cattle prod.
My goodness......... Any way I can deal with this would be appreciated!
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