Sue2971
User
Fresh Boarder
| Posts: 2 |   |
Karma: 0
|
Troubled 15 year old...HELP! - 2007/06/04 21:35
This is a very long posting, I am sorry but it is complicated.
I am new to this board, I am desperate for help with my 15 (will be 16 in July) year old stepson...he is out of control, very manipulative, lies to us, and hangs around with kids who do drugs and steal. He has had problems for quite some time but it really escalated two months ago when husband and I took him to a basketball homecoming dance because he begged to go and claimed to have already for the ticket for admission. So we dropped him off and two hours later when we came back to get him he was not there. So husband called some of Alan's friends who LIED to us and told us that they had not seen him (one of the kids who lied actually was the one who had him stay over at his house and they were partying!), so almost all night my husband drove around searching for him. Well, we did not find him until the next morning around 11 a.m. found him at this kids' house and the dad was there...apparently they had had a party and the dad had supplied them with alcohol. My husband took Alan to get a drug test done and he tested positive for THC/marijuana. Alan's mom did nothing about this, she cannot control him at all whatsoever. Her father who lives in the Carolinas is a minister and she is afraid or ashamed to let him know what is going on. I think if he knew about it he would be helping them take steps to intervene.
Another part of this story is that my husband and I went out of town last weekend for Memorial Day weekend, right before we left Friday evening some teenager shows up on our doorstep looking for Alan, I said no he wasn't there but I got the kid's first name so that I could let my husband know about it. A year ago we had went out of town and came home to find out that Alan threw a party on our property with some friends but denied the whole thing..they had even tried to break into the house but nothing was stolen.
Anyways, my husband more or less was in denial of everything, he said not to worry about anything we had an alarm system and it would go off if anyone were to break into our house. So we went on ahead and went out of town.
We got back home last Monday evening, at first everything looked okay, then my husband went to our upstairs which is unfinished and found that someone had managed to get into the house through one of the windows and busted the lock somehow. Then we found things out of place as well as several items had been stolen. We talked to our neighbor just down the road who can see our house from theirs pretty well....they said that our alarm had went off around 8 p.m. the Friday evening and they called the police. So my husband called the sheriff and made a police report, the sheriff dispatched another officer who had in fact went to the house that night, found Alan there with about 8 other kids, apparently there were about 7 or 8 other carloads full of teenagers that had taken off before he got there....he told them before he came in that they had 5 minutes to put their alcohol away if there was any there (this I think was wrong of him to tell them just to put it away...these were underage minors for crying out loud!!!!) then he came in and Alan pulled a picture of himself off of the fireplace mantel and told him that this was him, his father and stepmom were out to dinner and would be back soon, that he was just having a few friends over and that everything was fine and they weren't doing anything. So the officer left and let them carry on what they were doing.
What bothers me most is about a) the alcohol issue b) No arrests have been made, and my stepson will not give out any names c) Items have been stolen that are not replaceable, one of them being a .22 rifle that my husband has had for the past 20 years. d) This kid's mom is now threatening my husband for calling the police, saying that if charges are pressed against Alan then she and her current husband will make things difficult for us, she will get a lawyer and take him back to court and have child support raised and anything possible she can do to make us miserable.
So we are stuck, school is out, the kid's mom works days and Alan is here with us, my husband has to work as well and I am the babysitter. I already have enough on my plate already, my father is terminally ill with cancer and only has a short time left. I want to be able to come and go as I please to go spend time with my dad as well as be there for my mother. Having this obviously troubled kid here with me is going to prevent me from doing this, he is very defiant and talks back to me, everytime I bring up his behavior he says "Oh like you and my dad weren't like this when you were my age? You are such hypocrits" things similar to that.
I want to contact this kid's grandad, the minister and tell him what is going on, but yet this is not my place to do so, I do not get along with this kid's mom as you may have guessed, she is very difficult to deal with and would probably hurt me if I did this as I would be overstepping boundaries. I have thought about mentioning counseling for Alan but my husband as well as the mom are both against psychiatric treatment, they are very old school and do not believe in this. Interestingly enough, when Alan was in a young child in school he was often disruptive in class and the teacher was always calling them up...they had even mentioned that he be evaluated for ADHD, which I believe he DOES HAVE and this is what is making him such a defiant teenager.
I am so sorry this is so long, but I am at my wits end, my nerves cannot take this much longer and I need some advice on how to handle this very difficult situation.
Thank for listening to me vent...
Hugs,
Sue
|
