RAD_Mommy32
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Daughter Recently Diagnosed w/ RAD - 2007/11/24 08:47
Hello, my name is Stacey. I have found this site in hopes of some guidance and advise with my 16 yr old daughter. She was just diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder last week during a therapy session that we just started due to her out of control behavior. I need to back up a little and to give a little insight to our situation. I was 15 when I had my daughter and was instantly given the option either leave or abort my baby, well I chose to leave as I could not see the latter. I was living out on my own from the age of 15.
By the time she was 3 I had made some very poor choices that lead me to go to prison. I was gone for 3 years. In the meantime my daughter was living with my parents (whom sent me away when I was a child to be raised by my grandparents) Yes, in hindsight I know that was a very poor choice.. again. My biggest fear was to see her going into foster care. Well regardless of my expressed fears to my mother, during that time my mother gave her to foster care, without telling me..I was notified by the courts 6 weeks later... and then began a path of my daughter being bounced from foster home to foster home due to her "acting out". Which after reading info on RAD.. she was exhibiting all of the warning signs. This was horrible for her as well as myself as there was nothing I could do to protect her or help her.
As soon as I was released, within 6 months I had her back. After meeting all the requirements set for me of coarse. I was given an approximate time of a year it was going to take me to get her back and I did it in 6 months time. I love my little girl and knew I had to make it right. Since that time I, of coarse, have never made anymore bad choices to take myself away from her again and we've evolved into a wonderful family.
She has an amazing step father (who even won father of the year) and two wonderful siblings. At times threw the years we had some serious behavior problems that would emerge in school as well as at home. Complete defiance towards me started years ago. (which I just blew off as I was the closest to her) She's close to everyone in the home but me now. I am, at this point, her most hated enemy, it feels.
When she was 11 our family doctor diagnosed her with ADHD and then put her on medications which in turn gave her severe side effects. We decided to try to cope with things one day at a time.
This most recent diagnosis of RAD has been a mix bag of emotions. Finally, there is an answer, in which I am confused why no one seen it sooner and that my guilt that I have carried for all these years was warranted. I was told by the ADHD dr. that I was more worried about what happened than she was and not to dwell too much on it.
But now with this revelation... so many emotions are running threw my mind. She, herself is in complete denial. I'm not sure if it's just that she does not view herself as we, her parents do, or that it's just another way to defy me. She is not willing to work with this new revelation nor will she give me any moment to try to discuss this with her. She immediately shuts me down and provokes another shouting match between her and I.
I just don't know what to do right now. We see the therapist once a week and they have offered a Family Intervention, which she is refusing to have any part of. I just don't understand why she is not as happy as I was about finding out what the problem has been all these years and that we now can try to work on this. Is it because she is too far gone? All the searching I did online only found dealing with RAD with children and not many with teens. And thank goodness I found this site.
I just want to know what do I do now? How do I get her to work with me so that we can repair this or work threw this? I mean she's always gone threw waves of where she's hated me on and off but now it's like I'm the most hated than I ever was. I have made it my life to make things up to her since the day I was released and It's like I did nothing but make it all worse. Her behavior over the last few years has been so destructive and damaging to herself and the family it's just mind blowing.. I know it's because of the time lapsed in a diagnosis.. but there has to be a way threw this, right? Sorry for such a long insert. Thank you to anyone who reads and can give me some advice.
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