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Teen Romance and Discussing definitions of Love E-mail

Teenage girls and the paradox of Love

Even as it may seem that your teenage girl is a sucker for romances and sentimentality, after trying out the dating scene she may realize that she was in for something quite different than she may have imagined.

Teens nowadays may be getting the image that love has nothing to do with sentimentality. It isn’t about damsels in distress needing to be rescued by valiant knights or princes for that matter. But from the media and articles in magazines, or discussions from the internet, one may actually come to view it as something requiring quite the opposite—strength.

Talk to your teen. Once she may have come across the idea of ‘falling in love’ whenever the concept of love entered her mind, but by coming to terms with reality and actual dating your teen may realize how this passive kind of ‘falling’ pales in comparison to the genuine active turning towards the subjectivity of the ‘beloved’ which love entails. Yes, parents, dating can actual cause a whole paradigm shift in your teen’s understanding of love itself. But ultimately, your teen may realize that it makes sense.

Love and Strength

Teen girls notorious for believing in the previous notion of love may come to like this understanding of love more because it gives us much more credit as human beings to transcend our weaknesses. We, as humans, definitely need strength to love in the way described. It’s no longer simply about ‘love at first sight’ and attraction or the ‘it factor’—concepts which to some extent seem to reduce love to a sheer kind of bodily hunger for the opposite sex. But it becomes all about baring one’s self and his/her weaknesses in an appeal to another’s subjectivity and in this baring of vulnerability or defenseless, a gaining of strength in order to deal with it. The defenseless baring of one’s self in love entails a trust which requires strength.   

With all the terms out there which refer to love and weakness (ex. one becoming ‘weak in the knees’ due to love, etc.), all the silly cards which joke about love and how people succumb to one another, it’s understandable why teens may start out with the prior notion of love in their heads, but after experience and with some thought it is important to show your teen how love should be more readily associated with Strength—the strength needed to deny one’s self and ironically in the process find one’s self.

This is a period where your teen may spend a great deal of time exerting futile efforts at defining love. She may try so hard to grasp the mere thought of true love even though she does not succeed initially. She is sensitive at heart. Emotions tend to overcome reason in her thoughts or actions. Because of this, decisions are made with haste. A teen swept in her own thoughts of love or romance may feel sure of herself and her decisions, not necessarily considering if they are right or wrong.

After some thought on the matter, your teen may actually end up feeling glad to be living in the modern period because ‘love’ must have been hell for those damsels in distress. Help her see how much more opportunity for growth there may actually be in a time like ours. We are not stuck in boxes which we must struggle to fit into but we are left to grow like wildflowers in a meadow. Medieval romance and the notion of courtly love come from a whole different direction. One where women are meant to fit into boxes. It may seem quite intimidating to even bring up the topic of love with your developing teen, but it’s a good topic to talk about because of how confusing it can be for an adolescent. The difficult topics to tackle are the ones which really ought to be tackled because that is exactly where confusion may brew.

Love is not self-centered on one’s own suffering or desire, nor one’s longing caused by the physical beauty of another. But it stems from a kind of love which seems to push outwards rather than inward, paradoxically leading back to one’s own fruition. And going with this concept, there is no universal rule for love, for it would deny the subjectivity of the person. This recognition of the subjectivity of an individual was a beautiful concept of love. Who doesn’t want to be recognized as an individual among millions, billions of people in the world?

This kind of understanding of love may leave your teenager with a different kind of happiness, not like the giddy sappy feeling you get after reading a romance novel. But more like a strength to draw upon and a firmer belief in the power of one’s own actions. It is very much likely that your teen will come upon many more meanings or understandings of love in the future. But remind her to keep this one in her back pocket, because she may not chance upon an understanding which can leave her feeling stronger.


             
 
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