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Help for Troubled Teenagers Forum  


troubled teen or damaged goods? - 2007/10/06 03:38 My normally well behaved 14 y/o step daughter stole my car, went joyriding with a friend and had an accident in March. Fortunately only the vehicles involved were hurt. I did not press charges against her because my husband agreed to put her in counseling... that lasted a whole 3 weeks. I was lead to believe by my attorney that I did have a few years to change my mind and drag the kid into court.. but strongly discourages me from doing so.

While my husband has custodial custody since his divorce in 2003, he has allowed his exwife to keep the children in school in the town where the ex lives. My husbands decision to take custody during the divorce is based on the exwifes history of drug and alcohol abuse as well as anger issues.

For the past few years the exwife has had a live in boyfriend that we recently discovered is a violent class x felon and has a history of crack use that the exwife is not only aware of but also has a history of using the same drug. His exwife lost custody of her 1st child (born out of wed lock with someone she knew prior to marriage to my husband). The ex wife had their oldest child when that child stopped going to school her freshman year, got pregnant at 15 and then began a heroin habit. Of course the ex didn't inform us of any of this until it was too late to prevent the older child from dropping out of high school. After the baby we rarely saw this child on our scheduled visitation weekends. Of course since the car was stolen from us, during our weekend the exwife blames us for it, instead of making the child assume responsibility. The child was to be grounded until she went to court (which was 3 weeks after the incident)... but the ex decided to let her spend the night at her girlfriends house 10 days after the accident happened.

The youngest of their children is now residing with us. This is after she stole and wrecked my car, last spring. She really doesn't want to live with us, but based on her mothers history I don't see as how we would have any other choice. I have personally witnessed this child calling the local taverns in her mothers town to try and get her mother to come home... as well as an old boyfriend of the mother that claim to have shared a recent crack habit with her (by recent I mean someone she lived with in the past 4 years) and that when he lived with her they would routinely have sex in the living room with the children in the bed room.

I am at my wits end. She loves that we buy her clothes and pay for everything for her, because her mother can't seem to afford anything, this kid hates the new school, wants to move back to her moms and most recently was grounded forever from the internet because her and her girlfriends were talking about "giving head" in their instant messages. It seems to me that my husband should have some type of legal recourse to prevent the mother from further damaging this child.

I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions. I hate the idea of keeping a child from either parent, but the mother seems to me to be incapable of caring for herself, let alone herself and her daughter. Any advise is appreciated. Maybe a short trip away from the whole situation is what I need.


Sincerely,

The disrespected step mom

Post edited by: disresepectedstepmom, at: 2007/10/06 03:42

Post edited by: disresepectedstepmom, at: 2007/10/06 03:45
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Re:troubled teen or damaged goods? - 2007/10/08 20:02 Your husband should definitely have some type of legal recourse to prevent the mother from further damaging your step-daughter. From the details of your story, her mother is definitely a warning sign in bright lights. It would be best if she could spend most of her time with you and your husband in order to negate whatever she may have already witnessed from her mom’s experiences and bad behaviors. Again, you’re right to think that even if you wouldn’t want to keep your step-daughter from either parent that she shouldn’t be exposed to a parent who is not deemed fit to even care for herself. Professional help for your teen seems to be the best way to go. With all the exposure she has had to drugs, irresponsible sexual behaviors, and more, she should undergo further counseling or therapy. It’s unfortunate that her first experience with counseling did not last long (just 3 weeks) but this time around you and her father should emphasize its importance and make sure she knows that she can’t just let it whirlwind around her like a breeze. It will take energy and effort, but in the end she should know that she will be the one who will benefit most from it all. Speak with your husband about these ideas and once you’ve arranged for the therapy or counseling, you really owe yourself a break. You owe it to yourself to recharge after all the energy you’ve put into loving concern and care for your step-daughter. Find a place and some time for you to unwind and relax.
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Re:troubled teen or damaged goods? - 2007/12/11 08:56 I would agree that the father of the child needs to take legal action. He should want to protect her from her evil mother. But I think most of all this daughter needs love and acceptance from someone! www.eagleranchacademy.com
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