Ben
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Re:BEHAVIOUR - 2006/02/28 17:11
Sorry about the book, but here are my thoughts.
You've heard the phrase "stubborn as a mule". If you try to pull a mule to where you want it to go, it will do everything it can to fight you. Dangle a carrot in front of this same mule and you'll get results.
Teens are like mules in some ways. The more you pull your teen in the direction you want her to go, the harder she will fight. You either have to find a carrot to dangle in front of her or be prepared to pull harder than she can fight against. This usually results in placing your child in a boot camp, or other troubled teen program.
Here's the carrot I would suggest you use.
Sit your daughter down and tell her you are there for her any time she needs you or wants to talk(the carrot). No strings can be attached to this, don't try and make her talk to you about her emotions and problems until she is ready. She just needs to know she has support.
Once the carrot is in place, make small talk with her. (Ask her how band practice went or whatever) If she wants to talk to you, great, if she doesn't want to talk, great. You're reminding her about that carrot. She'll eventually want it.
Lastly, when it comes to that big moment when she decides to talk to you, don't screw up the moment by opening your mouth. Let her do the talking and you do the listening. Don't offer any advice unless she asks for it. Just listen and show you understand. This is the MOST DIFFICULT part because human nature is to try and fix the problem which is not what she wants or needs at the time.
With patience, she will come to value your opinion and respect your advice, but she first needs understanding and someone who will listen.
By the way, I agree with meghan, if she is into drugs or something that will cause her physical harm, ignore everything I just wrote and get professional help. Check out http://www.wesaveteens.com
Post edited by: nathan, at: 2006/07/06 19:28
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