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CARIS
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Lying - 2006/12/07 04:29 My daughter is 13 1/2. For about the past year she has been starting to lie. And not just the little white lies anymore. She is lying about important things which can affect her health, her grades, and her and her younger brother's well-being. She has lost my trust. She can lie looking straight into my eyes and not even flinch. You could hold up a piece of white paper and if she told you it was yellow and you said it was white she would tell you that you were lying. It has got incresaingly worse over the past 2 weeks or so. She doesn't seem to care if she gets punished. SHe always cries in remorse, but now I'm not sure that it's even genuine. Now, I can't believe anything that comes out of her mouth. I'm not even sure anymore what the right punishment is. I am very stressed out over this. And I worry what influenece this has on her 5-year-old brother. I desparately need help/advice. I used to think I knew what I was doing until now. Your thoughts are appreciated. Oh, and I'll be happy to give more info, but I didn't want to ramble on too long for the posting.
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Re:Lying - 2006/12/07 16:59 Quite frankly, during adolescence many teens can make a parent lose their trust in them. Of course, I understand your concern completely regarding how these lies can affect your young teen's well-being as well as her sibling's. The affect of proper discipline on a troubled teen can also begin to lose its power just like medication which a person's bodily's system gets more and more used to. Even questioning your child's emotional reactions is understandable because of her frequent lying. First, accept that lying is indeed an issue that a number of parents deal with especially once their children hit the age of teens. Don't be so hard on yourself as a parent. You are adjusting to your teen's behavior. Give it some time so that you can read your teen better and understand why at times she does lie. Once you observe her and notice patterns of behavior, it will be a better opportunity for you to approach her regarding her lying. If you are worried about her younger sibling, you may simply take him aside and remind him that lying is not a behavior you condone. Relax and take things a step at a time, for you and your teen!
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Darlene
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Re:Lying - 2007/02/05 00:40 I understand where your coming from. My step daughter, who lives with us, just turned 13 in December, she lies constantly and gets caught at least some of the time, tells her 6 year old sister to lie for her, swears at me, doesn't do what shes told, looks for fights with girls her age, had all her grades drop by at least one letter this term and just got off 2 weeks of groundment on 2/1 to be put back on, for pretty much all of the above on 2/3. I also have a 6 year daughter who I am afraid is going to pick up her sisters bad habits. My husband (her Father) and I are at our witts end. I feel that taking away the phone and the computer are not enough any more, it doesn't seem to bother her, but when she is grounded, she acts like an angel. Go figure! I don't get it. All I do know is that I wouldn't even have thought about treating my parents the way she does, let alone doing it. And yes she treats her mother the same way.

I am going to make an appointment with a Phsycologist on Monday. I don't know what else to do, or even if its going to help, but I need to do something now. I am expecting another baby in September, and we all want a peaceful house again.
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AprilRenae
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Re:Lying - 2007/08/15 10:35 My daughter just turned 13 on Sunday. In the past month I've caught her lying a couple of times, mostly about her plans. She said she was going to meet friends at the movies but when I insisted on waiting there until her friends showed up she changed her mind. I have her stay with her grandparents during the summer because I believe teens need to be supervised. She convinced her grandfather to let her go to her school alone, after I left strict instructions for her only to be allowed to leave if her friend came to the door and got her. She was supposed to call home when she got to school and call when she was on her way home. Of course she never called, she didn't respond to a page at the school. When she finally got home a couple of hours later she said she went to the school (but didn't know the name of teacher she was helping...i asked because i wanted to call and verify) then went to the store and a fast food place with her friends who also happened to be at the school. Now I have no problem with her hanging out with her friends. I've let her do this in the past as long as i knew exactly who she was with and where she was going. I assume she decided to lie this time because I stopped her from going to the movies when she couldn't prove to me who she was going with. I've never had any serious problems with her before. She's overall a good kid, she does well in school and has never caused me any real problems in the past.
Anyway the point of all this is that my main concern is that she's trying to go out and meet up with boys. The reason I think this is the issue is because when she found out she couldn't go to the movies she called someone. When i called the number back a boy answered the phone. Now it could be purely an innocent friendship but I know what I was doing at her age and it wasn't good. I'm feeling guilty that I'm imposing my past on her and punishing her for it. But on the other hand what if I'm right on point and she goes down the same road I went down and I didn't do anything to prevent it.
My other concern is that she's very reserved. She doesn't ever talk about her feelings. I try to talk to her about what's going on and ask her to just be honest with me and I'll be fair but she always claims that everything is "okay" and that nothing is going on. I've even had my younger sister, who is 9 years younger than me and 8 older than her, talk to her and she won't open up to her either. I just don't know what to do. I want her to enjoy her teen years but I want to protect her from all of the traps that are out there.
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Re:Lying - 2007/08/16 07:11 It’s completely understandable why you are trying to play it safe when it comes to your daughter’s behavior. Of course having your own personal experiences as a teen would make you cautious of what your daughter may experience as well. It’s good that you let your younger sister try to get your teen to open up. But since she didn’t respond to this in the way you wanted to her, you could try another approach. When you speak with her, stop asking questions for a moment and tell her about how being a teen was like for you. Of course you don’t have to tell her all the naughty moments you may have had as a teen but by letting her feel that you’ve also had your own experiences, this may make her feel more comfortable about talking to you straight. At the same time, it may even make her feel better about issues that are boggling her at present. Try this approach and she may absorb it more positively.
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helpless
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Re:out ov controll - 2007/09/17 00:42 my son is 14yr and has a realy bad temper i hav tryed always 2 disiplin him but he rebels more i try 2 hav a lovely home but he messes it trows things at walls and kicks things i am scared of him so most time giv in 4 happy life now and nice home but its gettting worse now as i cant give al time. he wants money money money all time i get him a buss pass £7.60 week so he can go see his mates and girlfriend all the time plus he wants chip money 3 4 times week i cant do it anymore as i hav another teen and dont giv her that much so they fight. if he cant hav his own way in home on pc or money he treatens me and and is very abusive towards me and his sister i cant go out of his way as frightened for his sister he is vishious at times HELP me please i cant cope i am very soft nature and son is 14 daughter is 13 son hates his dad so has nothing to do with him and his dad has washed his hands 2. but is sister goes to see her dad and comes in with new things ect and this starts son of again its not my faulft or sons thins its his dads as he wont giv him money or clothes ect as son wont go see him bad i no but this is why son get angrey 2 so what can i do

Post edited by: helpless, at: 2007/09/17 00:46
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