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LostHerMind
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Should I send her Back - 2007/04/11 10:33 Hi all,

I need some help. I have custody of my eldest niece, she is 13, I am 23. She has lived with me for 3 years now. I took her from my sister and her stepfather because I thought she was being treated bad, she was around drug/alcohol abuse constantly and her stepfather has no respect for women or people in general. Right after she had moved in with her stepfather her attitude and demeanor changed completely. She had no self esteem what so ever.

Anyway now 3 years later I am having a few difficulties. She has a major attitude problem and acts like no rules apply to her. Last year she got in a fight and gave a girl stitches this year she broke a girls nose. She talks back to her teachers all the time and refuses to do her homework.

I am invovled in her shcool activites, she does school cheerleading and city basketball, but she acts like nothing matters and talks back and throws attitude around. I work in a clothing store so she gets all the new great clothes, she has a cell phone.

Point being she doesn't want or need for anything, maybe beacuse I grew up on the otherside of that, that I don't understand why is she has all this, plus a parent who generally cares, why she would act like this?

Anyway, tonight she is at my fiances house because I had work. She called me and I told her I might take my youngest niece with us on Thursday, we are going somewhere with him I am not sure yet its a suprise. She told me NO, if I took her she would yell at her, she didnt want her around. I told her to let it go that she was not the adult, she is 13 and I will make that decsion, she said whatever.

I am at the point where I want to go over there tomorro morning, pack up all her stuff and bring her back to her mothers house. I want to tell her that if she doesn't want to give people respect then she can live with people who have none because I am fed up. I feel like if I am treating you like a good person then you should do the same. I don't know if I am making a hasty decsion, right now I am just really mad.

Lost

Post edited by: LostHerMind, at: 2007/04/11 10:37

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jenn stanley

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Re:Should I send her Back - 2007/04/11 13:17 No you should not send her back!! Do not give up on her because everyone else seems to have already and she needs you!!!! I totally understand the feeling mad and frustrated! I did the same thing for my 17 year ols sister. Our mother died and the day she died my baby sister Amie gave birth to a daughter. Imagine the day your mom dies ,you become a mom for the 1st time. I took her under my wing and helped her with her baby daughter and even let her bad boyfriend live with us too.(he showed up with her when I told her do not bring him).She ended up lying to me and not sticking with a job so yes I did pack her stuff and had it waiting at the front door one night and her and her boyfriend and my neice took off in the same town. I turned her in to social services eventually because she was neglecting her 9 month old daughter and doing drugs around her.She even burned her arm because the baby reached up and spilled their pot!I turned her butt in for food stamp fraud as well. I felt like I would rather my sister hate me and atleast that child would be protected one way or another than to turn my cheek and not get involved for the sake of my neice!! So stay on path with what you are doing.Keep telling your neice that you will NOT give up on her even though she has a difficult personality right now at this young age.You could tell her that you understand the rebellion but why the attitude and disrespect? Ask her if she cares how this all turns out for her. She may give you the typical reply"I DON'T KNOW" but if she does ask her to try something new with you......ask for you and her to go have lunch once a week and have girl talk time,just you and her. Then tell her you r concerns and ask her to tell you hers. But firmly tell your neice that you believe in her,however if their is not a drastic improvement in her attitude and respect level than you will be taking some of her luxeries away.She may roll her eyes and say whatever but then you start with her dang cell phone.I as a matter of fact just got done calling singular today and putting a 3 month suspention on my 15 year old daughter's cell phone(due to her defiant behavior and horrible attitude)So it will all pan out . It just might take some time. good luck!

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admin
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Re:Should I send her Back - 2007/04/11 13:34 You have all the right to be feeling the way that you are feeling concerning your niece. Troublesome adolescents will really test your patience by pushing the bar as far as they can, trying to make their parents snap. But before you reach that breaking point, take an extra moment to breathe, relax, and not let your heated feelings overcome your proper thinking. From the details you have given, it seems that finally sitting your niece down and telling her straight about the situation she is in would be beneficial. Tell her how you are really feeling about her disrespect and you may even opt to remind her of the context she was in before you took her in. If you tell her exactly how you are feeling now, she will truly know the gravity of her defiant behavior upon you. Hopefully this will help her realize the seriousness of her disrespectful actions and encourage change. Sit her down for a real talk and make sure she is fully aware of the situation before any sudden decisions. Goodluck.

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luke07
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Re:Should I send her Back - 2007/05/17 16:27 I understand she's being unfair to you. But please don't lose hope. I agree, try talking to her, and let her realize how much she is hurting you intentionally or not. I'll pray for you.

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teenhelper5
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Re:Should I send her Back - 2007/12/11 09:11 Wow, first of all I want to tell you guys that I admire you for taking on the role of a mother to someone elses child in trouble.
I too, say dont send her back, talk to her and let her know that you care for her and will always be there for her but that she is making it very difficult right now. Sometimes a good heart to heart is all thats needed! Hang in there girl! www.eagleranchacademy.com

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