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Boardwalk :: Forum List Parenting Parenting, Discipline and Rules
CindyRains
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Can't take it anymore!!! Any advice? - 2008/03/06 01:16 All of the stories I have read here sound so familiar, but I've already tried just about everything to help my 14 year old daughter, but nothing works. She's very hateful and defiant.She thinks she can do what she wants and does not even care what the consequences may be. I think she has physically hurt her younger brothers, but can't prove it and they cover for her.
Anytimes she breaks the rules, she blames it on me and her step-dad saying we don't love her or spend time with her. The only time she says that is when she's in trouble. If she's getting her way, she's perfectly happy. We also have 3 boys in this house, 1 older, 2 younger that are affected by her mess. They get neglected because she demands so much attention. But the more you do for her that more she wants.
I know she needs some serious help, but I dont know where to look or what to do. We have limited funds and no insurance. The facilities that provide funding only take kids that have been in trouble with the law, which is probaly the only thing she hasn't done.
Any advice???
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Re:Can't take it anymore!!! Any advice? - 2008/03/06 20:42 It sounds like your dealing with a teen who always gets her way. Being the only girl in the family, she may have been used to getting some extra special attention among her brothers. Now that she has stepped into adolescence, she is still expecting this attention and special treatment but to a negative extent. It seems that even her brothers have been letting their only sister off the hook as well. As you said, “If she’s getting her way, she’s perfectly happy.” This may make just giving her what she wants very tempting in order to steer clear of the defiance and clatter but if you do want her to change for the long-term then you may have to sacrifice some “quick-peace” methods you have been using. Like you mentioned, “the more you do for her the more she wants.” In order to break this nasty habit of hers, you’ll have to try not to give her exactly what she wants. It can mean an explosion at the start, but just as she was slowly used to getting her way, she can also slowly get used to not getting everything. Take it slowly. You don’t have to deny her all her wants completely all of a sudden but at least do not go to the full extent that you used to. Also give more attention to the boys in this way also. She will have to get used to a different way of running things. You can even let her have a talk with the school guidance counselor in order to help her adjust to these changes. Patience and perseverance will get you both through this.
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CindyRains
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Re:Can't take it anymore!!! Any advice? - 2008/03/07 03:18 Yeah, she has been treated as special being the only girl. While my boys are into sports, cars & all that stuff, she has always had some special done just for her. You're right about the "quick-peace" stuff too. We had been pulling back because she was taking advantage. What really gets me is that she will deliberately break rules, then brag about (so to speak). She had a friend that pierced her nose and navel. We told Em that if she did any of that she would not be able to hang out with her anymore. What does she do? She pierced her nose. When I told her that she couldnt go to this friends anymore because she broke this rule, she just started going over there after school anyway. Of course as soon as we find out, we go get her and she just smirks. I had spoken with her about getting her navel pierced. Kinda used it as a bribe, I guess. She needed good grades, needed to stay out of trouble, etc. Mostly, I was scared she would try to do it herself and wouldnt care about the importance of things being clean & sterile. Guess it really didnt matter, because Monday at school she pierced it herself anyway. Couldn't wait to get home and show me either, knowing how I would feel about it. Now she's expecting me to get her the stuff to clean it with. I'm stuck between doing this and her thinking I approve or not buying the stuff and having a dr bill when it gets infected. I learned with nose thing NOT to tell her to take it out. She will just take it out around me. When I tried to talk to her about this, she threw it up in my face that I had mine done. Well, yeah, but I was also 22 years old when I did. How should I handle this?
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Moms are the best
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Re:Can't take it anymore!!! Any advice? - 2008/03/26 05:01 The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success. And
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